A close friend of mine is not in the best moment oh her life....I’ve being thinking in her lately, I’ve been thinking a lot... and I’ve been shocked.
She has realised that the love she has been receiving for the last 5 years was not a truly love... What can be more painful than that?.. realise that the person that is with you love firs himself, second himself and that there is not place for you…
What is worse than being aware that your last 5 years are fake?, a whole life fake,
I suppose… really the best thing that can happen to you is being aware…, and listen it was fake for him, but not for you, your love was real, your feelings were real remember that.
Love is about giving and not thinking about getting anything back, love is about being happy giving, that is why we have to choose well are love, choose some one who appreciate this. I believe that love is about giving and being loved is about being the most important person for the person who loves. Knowing this then there are different degrees of love. For me the most precious thing that all have is time, so I guess that the gift that I appreciate the most is time…
I believe I being the happiest when I gave, and suffer the most when I could not give any more because the person I love did not want to.
Being aware that the person who you do love rather to share time(and other things) with another is something you do not want to know.
I guess that in live you have to choose if you want to love, if you want to be loved or you want both. I’ve been loved, I have loved and I made a choice I want both… However I enjoyed more love than been loved.
Maybe I will not find what I am looking for… Someone told me once that he enjoyed to search, I did not understood it in that moment. Every one wants to find not look, I was thinking; but how can I find whatever without search; without search I even do not know what I want, so how am I going to recognize it? Before I would say well when I see it I will know it. Now I think it may be it may not.
Now I do enjoy the Research. I learn a lot with it and I have things more clear. One thing that I do enjoy about research is that you never know what are you going to find, so it is very exciting, is surprise, however what I really do like is the dreaming thing, the hope, the wish, the wondering the feeling that I am driving my life, that nothing is definitive, that I can decide what to put and what to take off in my life..
The most important thing in the research is to believe; believe that I am going to find what I am looking for, it doesn’t matter if I found it or not, it really doesn’t, the point is that as long as I am looking for I believe I may find what I am looking for.
Looking back, in the last 12 months I been living in 3 different cities ( Paris, Barcelona and London), spent some time in my parents home and in Vigo-Tuy-Guimaraes. I believe I looking for something…
In Barcelona I lived in 2 different apartments. In London 2 months after my arrival I am searching again for a new home. Each research is a different one, full of expectations… full of new experiences…
All this to say that there is nothing further than my way, all that I have is a way, I can decide to stop here or there, for a while or for a life time (or even do not stop). At the end I just have my way, no-one can’t take this away from me and when I’ll die I’ll take it with me.
Darling do not be afraid of life, it cant be more painful that what already it is. It wont last forever I promise, time will help you… You still having a whole life 29 is a breath… you are in the best years, my mam says that 30’s are the best and you even haven’t started it yet. You are healthy, so do your parents; appreciate this time with them and especially with your mother, remember them will not last forever.
Someone told me once that life is not always easy (I would say that never is easy), that is in the bad moments where we learn the most… I did not like him to say me that in that moment, I thought I was not made to suffer… now I think he was right, you will get to know yourself better, be stronger.
I have learnt that happiness is inside myself, I can share it with others or just be by myself, and I guess the most important I have learnt to appreciate life, a sunny day or the beauty of the river Thames, a day of happiness, a good meal, a glass of wine with a friend, keeping in touch with my parents (2 hours phone call on Sundays)… I have learnt to say I love you when I feel it, and kiss my friends, just because I feel it…I have learnt to appreciate the first smile of the day, or a good laugh… I have learnt that things change fast and it is not worth to emphasise the bad points I’ll rather to look at the beauty of life… I have learnt to keep good things and forget about the bad-ones…
Just keep wishing good and will happen, or not; however you will be happy, just wish it hard enough!! I know you can do it, I am confident, take it as a challenge! If you get read of this-one you will get read of many others…
I miss you, I love you and I look forward to seeing you soon.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I also know someone who stayed by her boyfriend’s side for almost 7 years until she realized she wasn’t in his future life plans.
I think that when you are in love with someone it is so painful to find out that he doesn’t love you as much as you would like to, that when you start to discover you just don’t want to know and so you close your eyes. As long as he stays by your side you are happy… but in the bottom of your heart you knew it, because there are lots of signals.
The good thing is that if you wake up you have the choice to go on with your life having learnt a big lesson, searching and enjoying the love that you and everybody deserve.
I have been through a similar situation, “wasting” my time with someone I knew (because he told me from the very beginning) wouldn’t stay with me afterwards. For me it was a completely new situation, being aware of him going away one determined day, not being able to think of him as somebody that could be the right guy to spend my whole life with. It was difficult and I don’t know if I did right but I finally decided to live the moment and be as happy as I could enjoying his company, care and other things.
At some point I started to think I was falling in love with him and I felt terrible thinking he wasn’t feeling the same. To me I was loosing, I was giving more and so I wanted more. I felt impotent and thought about breaking up. I was afraid of getting hurt. But he was already part of my life, of my way and I wanted it to last, as much as it could.
What I know for sure is that tomorrow both will go on with our lives; how much we suffer after and while this experience depends on how much we want to suffer. You cannot change the past but you can decide to live a whole new present.
I think all these situations have a lot to do with expectations; girls tend to put all their expectations on their sentimental life and these expectations are usually not what guys have for themselves. Men appreciate their freedom and control of their lives most. Men think about themselves first and then come the rest, that includes love. This is already changing and girls are adopting men’s rolls. To be happy I guess we just need to change our priorities in life.
You are such a wise person!! I totally agree with you without any reserves…I think that you can feel if a gay does not love you enough, and that for a man firs is him second his job third his family and 4 either his friends or the partner…. I do not understand why no-one taught me this when I was younger , that way I would not have the expectations that I do have now…
minia,veo que has decidido quedarte en Londres un poquito más, para saborearlo bien, no? a mi me parece genial.
es eso, cualquier decisión que tomemos es la acertada, es un paso más en nuestro camino, el camino que nosotros trazamos e inventamos, nuestra historia. no importa el pasado, el futuro no existe, lo importante es decidir hoy qué es lo que queremos hacer con nuestra vida y lo mejor que te puede pasar es sentir que estás haciendo lo que quieres.
Post a Comment